i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
