"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
