I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
