I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
