But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
