My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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