I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
