all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
