There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
