He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
