You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Actions speak louder than pants.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
