she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
