I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
