theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
