There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize