Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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