so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
