so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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