he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
