I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
