i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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