but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Randomize
