Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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