How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
