I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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