I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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