They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
