it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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