oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if only i could text you this smell
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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