Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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