In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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