It's Friday. Sex?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
