everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
