FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
