If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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