hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
