well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
