Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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