My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
