I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
this boner is exhausting
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
