Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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