Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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