i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I need a beard to bite.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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