i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
