I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
