I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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