the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
