Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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