ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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