If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
