was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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