and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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