We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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