You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
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