She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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