Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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