we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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